I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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