Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
