i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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