On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize