i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
