We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
