Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
