Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
