whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
