drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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