After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize