dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
