return my video game
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
