i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
