Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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