you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
