im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
