Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
