On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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