I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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