smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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