I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
we're so committed to being not committed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
