he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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