i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
