Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
