i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
