And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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