The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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