Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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