i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
