beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
