his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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