My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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