So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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