letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
