I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
