my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
