I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
