Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize