We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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