He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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