The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
