I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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