dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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