I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
