Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
