I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
