So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
