I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
