he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
