I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
