I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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