Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
