You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
