I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
