a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
