stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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