cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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